Infertility is waiting… waiting… waiting…

Infertility is waiting for the small things. Waiting for appointments. Waiting to see doctors. Waiting to see nurses. Waiting to see phlebotomists. Waiting for test results. Waiting to start my next treatment. Waiting for the next phase in my treatment. Waiting two weeks. Waiting for more test results. And waiting to start over. Again.

Infertility is waiting for the big things. Waiting for a healthy pregnancy. Waiting to meet my child and bring him or her home. Waiting to hold her in my arms. Waiting to get to know him. Waiting to watch her smile and laugh. Waiting to soothe his cries. Waiting to watch her grow.

Infertility is waiting to feel like myself again physically. Waiting for the miserable side effects of treatment medications and procedures to subside. Waiting for the rashes from surgery adhesives and bandages to heal. Waiting for my bruising and injection sites to heal. Waiting for scars to fade. Infertility is waiting for when miserable side effects are from a healthy pregnancy or from keeping up with a child.

Infertility is waiting to feel like myself again emotionally. Waiting for my grief to lift. Waiting to feel content or maybe even happy. Waiting to feel fulfilled. Waiting to feel connected to others again. Waiting to feel relaxed and comfortable with the unknowns in my future. Waiting to make plans again. Waiting to feel joy when I see babies and small children. Waiting to feel whole once more. Waiting for my broken heart to heal.

Infertility is waiting for my lifelong dream of being a mother to come true. For three years we’ve been ready and waiting for good news. We’re waiting to begin our next chapter together. Waiting to move forward. Waiting for this agonizing wait to end.

Infertility is waiting… waiting… waiting for our child.

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