{"id":429,"date":"2018-04-14T13:57:18","date_gmt":"2018-04-14T19:57:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/?p=429"},"modified":"2025-12-11T22:28:00","modified_gmt":"2025-12-12T05:28:00","slug":"hopeful-healing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2018\/04\/14\/hopeful-healing\/","title":{"rendered":"Hopeful Healing"},"content":{"rendered":"

It has been a long time since I posted here, and in that time so much has changed..! The remaining two frozen embryos that we transferred in May not only implanted, but one also split into identical twins, and somehow, amazingly all three have turned into my beautiful children! Everyday this still surprises me. Everyday this still amazes me. It is still surreal and strange and wonderful that we have triplets and that I was pregnant and stayed pregnant after three long years of infertility and loss.<\/span><\/p>\n

These changes have been wonderful and overwhelming and confusing at times! There are lots of things I don’t know… I\u2019m not sure how or why our transfer in May was successful. I\u2019m not sure why our transfer last February was not successful. I do not understand why we had success and others have not. I cannot explain why we ended up with more babies than we had embryos. I do not know why all of this has happened. I don’t think I ever will.<\/span><\/p>\n

But one thing I know is that Matt and I are very lucky to have our triplets. There are no guarantees with infertility treatment or pregnancy, and I am so thankful that we had success and that my babies arrived safely after my hard, high risk pregnancy. And despite how overwhelming and exhausting caring for newborn triplets is, at the end of the day I know I have an opportunity that I thought at one time might never happen — I get to be the mom to living children! So I’m trying to enjoy the moments that I can, sleep when I am able, and do my best to take care of my little ones and raise them into kind hearted, loving people.<\/span><\/p>\n

I also know that my pregnancy in some ways allowed me to connect with others who are experiencing infertility. Some people have opened up about their struggles with infertility after hearing our news, and I have been able to hear their stories, share with them our story, and remind them that they are not alone. I suspect a lifetime of questions regarding the conception of our triplets, so I\u2019m prepared for discussions about this in the future too… I think part of my healing process will continue to be connecting with others to share the heavy load of infertility.<\/span><\/p>\n

As for this blog, I intend to leave it here, untouched. It’s an honest record of my infertility experience, and until this post is untouched by our outcome. I hope my words will continue to be a source of comfort and connection to those who need it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Even though I now have living children, I suspect that healing from my infertility and pregnancy loss will still continue for a long time — I would not say that I am \u201cfixed\u201d now. I do find that my babies are helping to heal my wounds from infertility, but I cannot count on them to do all the work for me. As I wrote in my post on rainbows<\/a>, I believe healing from infertility needs to come from more than just a baby (or three!). So I continue to care for myself, process my feelings, and appreciate the multiple rainbows in my life. <\/span><\/p>\n

I don’t know where this new adventure with triplets will take us, but I know we are headed there together, surrounded in love — Matt and me and our children, with our family and friends. We head into our new adventure with half agony, knowing that the world is a confusing and unfair place with loss and heartache, but we also head there with half hope that our sacred lives will still be beautiful and filled with love and rainbows if we look in the right places.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It has been a long time since I posted here, and in that time so much has changed..! The remaining two frozen embryos that we transferred in May not only implanted, but one also split into identical twins, and somehow, amazingly all three have turned into my beautiful children! Everyday this still surprises me. Everyday […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[36,14,45,44],"class_list":["post-429","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflections","tag-healing","tag-hope","tag-rainbows","tag-self-care"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7UmuL-6V","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":370,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/24\/surreal\/","url_meta":{"origin":429,"position":0},"title":"Surreal","author":"Jenna","date":"March 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"A friend recently gave me something that reads, \u201cIf by dream, you mean nightmare, then yes, I\u2019m living the dream.\u201d We had a good laugh over this and I put it where I can see it every day and have a chuckle. It\u2019s good for me to find humor where\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/infertility_is_surreal-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":17,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/09\/16\/3000-sqft-and-a-table-for-two\/","url_meta":{"origin":429,"position":1},"title":"3,000 sqft and a table for two","author":"Jenna","date":"September 16, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"In 2014, a few months before we started trying to conceive, Matt and I decided to buy a bigger house for our soon-to-be growing family. We were planning to start trying in the late spring and assumed that I\u2019d be pregnant in no time. I was young and healthy; Matt\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"3000 sqft and a table for two","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/3000sqft-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":313,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/01\/28\/mixed-emotions\/","url_meta":{"origin":429,"position":2},"title":"Mixed Emotions","author":"Jenna","date":"January 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"As we prepare to begin the stimulation phase of IVF in a few weeks, I have been thinking hard about all of the things I\u2019m feeling\u2026 and it\u2019s certainly a mix. Many people assume that I\u2019m feeling very excited and optimistic, and while I certainly do feel those things right\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/mixed_emotions-243x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":242,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/11\/05\/there-are-no-quick-fixes-for-infertility\/","url_meta":{"origin":429,"position":3},"title":"There Are No Quick Fixes for Infertility","author":"Jenna","date":"November 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"So many times when someone we love is upset, we try to make them feel better. We don\u2019t like it when someone is hurting or sad, and we try to fix it. So we might suggest ways for them to look on the bright side, or give them tips on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Awareness"","block_context":{"text":"Awareness","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/awareness\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"no_quick_fixes","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/no_quick_fixes-242x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":230,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/11\/01\/looking-for-rainbows\/","url_meta":{"origin":429,"position":4},"title":"Looking for Rainbows","author":"Jenna","date":"November 1, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"At support group once we were talking about how we are not our infertility and how we can identify ourselves separate from our infertility\u2026. And I understand that on a rational level, but I argued that it\u2019s not how it feels. I may not *be* my infertility, but it *is*\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Coping"","block_context":{"text":"Coping","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/coping\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"looking for rainbows","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/rainbows-300x294.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":375,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/28\/disappointment\/","url_meta":{"origin":429,"position":5},"title":"Disappointment","author":"Jenna","date":"March 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Infertility is constant disappointment\u2026 to the point where you\u2019d think I\u2019d have so much practice being disappointed that it wouldn\u2019t hurt anymore, but it does. As it turns out, no amount of practice makes a failed treatment easier to accept; no amount of living with infertility makes the disappointment of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/infertility_is_disappointment-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/429","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=429"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/429\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":431,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/429\/revisions\/431"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=429"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=429"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=429"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}