{"id":394,"date":"2017-04-13T16:17:18","date_gmt":"2017-04-13T22:17:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/?p=394"},"modified":"2025-12-11T22:28:02","modified_gmt":"2025-12-12T05:28:02","slug":"jealousy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/04\/13\/jealousy\/","title":{"rendered":"Jealousy"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Infertility has made me feel like *everyone else has kids* and I don\u2019t. (This isn\u2019t even all in my head either… most people do have children<\/a><\/span>) Families with children are all over the place: nearly every book or article I read mentions families with children; everywhere I go — from stores and restaurants to hiking trails or airports — I run into families with children; and on every social media site I visit, I see babies, children, and pregnant women. I feel like the world reminds me all the time that I do not have children and *everyone else does*. And I\u2019m jealous.<\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility is feeling jealous of complete strangers who I see out and about with their pregnant bellies or their children. Other people would look right past the pregnant mom at Target, or the family with kids at the grocery store, but I see them and despite looking away or trying to look past them, their mere presence has already upset me. As I turn green with envy, my internal voice cries out, \u201cWhy them and not me?!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility is feeling jealous of people I know and people I love — my friends and family who have children. I\u2019m happy that their families are growing and I\u2019m glad that they aren\u2019t in the kind of pain I\u2019m in\u2026 but infertility is overwhelming, profound sadness for myself and jealousy that they have children. I certainly do not wish infertility on my loved ones, but that does not stop me from feeling jealous that their routes to parenthood have been smooth and infertility-free. I\u2019m jealous that they are rapidly growing their families and enjoying their children. I feel so heartbroken and left out.<\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility is feeling jealous of the whole experience my loved ones are having with their children — even the parts they complain about. It\u2019s so hard to be left behind while *everyone else* moves on to parenthood. I wish I had a child like everyone else.<\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility is feeling jealous watching children interact with people and their world. I feel jealous seeing children play, laugh, and smile with their parents and their grandparents. I feel jealous of the bonding that is taking place. I feel jealous when milestones are reached and holidays and birthdays are celebrated. I wish all these things could be happening for me and my child, and I\u2019m afraid that they never will. My heart breaks with sadness for who and what I\u2019m missing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility is feeling jealous of the kinds of things my loved ones with children are studying and learning to cope with in their lives. I wish I were reading about pregnancy, childbirth, and how to best parent my newborn\/toddler\/growing child, instead of reading about infertility and pregnancy loss. I wish I were tired from pregnancy or from the demanding schedule of being a parent, instead of being exhausted from disappointment, heartache, and treatments. <\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility is feeling jealous of the activities my loved ones are doing with their children. I wish I were taking my child to music class, soccer, or playdates, instead of going to endless doctor\u2019s appointments, lab appointments, and infertility support group. <\/span><\/p>\n

Jealousy is a hard part of infertility… it mixes with my grief, anger, and isolation, resulting in a terrible combination that makes me feel absolutely miserable and sick inside. I know comparing my experience to someone else\u2019s is not productive; I know asking \u201cwhy?\u201d is not productive; but knowing those things does not make them stop. Feelings of jealousy do not go away just because I don\u2019t like them\u2026 and all feelings are valid — even jealousy. So what do I do to cope with it? <\/span><\/p>\n

Well, to start with, I know a lot of the things that trigger jealousy, so I try to avoid those things. For example, we prefer to go to the grocery store after dinner, when families with children are typically at home. I avoid reading books that I suspect will upset me. I avoid facebook and other social media sites that trigger me, and I\u2019m very careful about who and what I follow and like. I say \u201cno\u201d to social engagements, especially when I\u2019m feeling really vulnerable.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, it is not always possible to avoid everything that might trigger jealousy. So when it strikes, I acknowledge it and work through it. I might write about what I\u2019m feeling or talk about it with a safe person. If I\u2019m in a social situation I might need to leave the room to give myself some space, or leave the gathering completely. When I\u2019m jealous of strangers, I try to remember that I do not know their story — maybe their path to parenthood has not been as easy as it appears\u2026 perhaps that pregnancy is a result of IVF, or maybe those kids were adopted. And at the end of every day I give myself some perspective too — I practice gratitude and write down things I\u2019m thankful for from that day. <\/span><\/p>\n

Even though I know that someone else\u2019s success growing their family doesn\u2019t reduce my chances of having children, it is still hard to accept the feeling that everyone else but me has kids. Infertility has turned on some kind of hyper-aware-of-children radar in me, and activated a jealous streak that I didn\u2019t even really know I had, but it\u2019s there now. I just try to keep it in check.<\/span><\/p>\n

For more reading about jealousy, please visit:
\n<\/span>http:\/\/www.scarymommy.com\/infertility-jealousy\/
\n<\/span><\/a>https:\/\/www.fertilityauthority.com\/blog\/amira-posner\/2015\/1\/27\/6-coping-techniques-handling-jealousy-infertility<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Infertility has made me feel like *everyone else has kids* and I don\u2019t. (This isn\u2019t even all in my head either… most people do have children) Families with children are all over the place: nearly every book or article I read mentions families with children; everywhere I go — from stores and restaurants to hiking […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[9,8],"tags":[62,64],"class_list":["post-394","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-coping","category-reflections","tag-infertility-is","tag-jealousy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7UmuL-jealousy","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":404,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/04\/24\/isolation\/","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":0},"title":"Isolation","author":"Jenna","date":"April 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I was looking for an infertility book at my local big box bookstore the other day and came up empty handed... again. \u00a0Over the course of my infertility journey, I have repeatedly visited this store in person or looked online for local availability searching for specific books and I have\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/infertility_is_isolation-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":418,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/05\/18\/grief\/","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":1},"title":"Grief","author":"Jenna","date":"May 18, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"My infertility is profound grief. My infertility is constantly grieving for the family I desire to have with Matt, for the children I long to hold in my arms and share my life with. It is constantly grieving the loss of what has not happened yet, what could have been\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/infertility_is_grief-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":160,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/10\/03\/my-invisible-scarlet-letter-i\/","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":2},"title":"My Invisible Scarlet Letter “I”","author":"Jenna","date":"October 3, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Infertility has turned me into a social outcast, except that no one really knows it but me. My scarlet letter \u201cI\u201d marking me as an infertile is invisible, etched on my heart. It affects me everyday\u2026 but since it\u2019s invisible, no one else is really aware of what is happening.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"isolation","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/isolation-1-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":429,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2018\/04\/14\/hopeful-healing\/","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":3},"title":"Hopeful Healing","author":"Jenna","date":"April 14, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"It has been a long time since I posted here, and in that time so much has changed..! The remaining two frozen embryos that we transferred in May not only implanted, but one also split into identical twins, and somehow, amazingly all three have turned into my beautiful children! Everyday\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":365,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/22\/infertility-is\/","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":4},"title":"Infertility is…","author":"Jenna","date":"March 22, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"It was hard to first admit to myself that we were experiencing infertility... By the time I did, we\u2019d already found out I wasn\u2019t ovulating on my own, and as a result I\u2019d been through three cycles of clomid. Even though I had already started fertility treatments, I didn\u2019t consider\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/infertility_is-1-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":175,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/10\/10\/blessings\/","url_meta":{"origin":394,"position":5},"title":"Blessings","author":"Jenna","date":"October 10, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I see and hear the word \u201cblessings\u201d all the time... I see people pointing out their blessings in baby announcements, Christmas cards, and home decor. I hear people discussing their blessings in conversations and on facebook. 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