{"id":387,"date":"2017-04-06T14:55:56","date_gmt":"2017-04-06T20:55:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/?p=387"},"modified":"2025-12-11T22:28:02","modified_gmt":"2025-12-12T05:28:02","slug":"anger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/04\/06\/anger\/","title":{"rendered":"Anger"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Infertility is anger. <\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m angry that I\u2019m experiencing infertility and that all of this is happening to me.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry that I lost a pregnancy.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry that we don\u2019t have a baby yet.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry that my transferred embryos didn\u2019t implant and survive.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry that our IVF didn\u2019t result in more frozen embryos.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry that I\u2019ve endured months of treatments with no success.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry that infertility treatments are expensive and not covered by insurance.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry that everywhere I go I am reminded that I don\u2019t have children.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry when I feel misunderstood.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry when someone offers a quick fix<\/a> to my infertility.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry when someone tells me to enjoy my freedom from the burdens of parenthood.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry because this was not part of my plan.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry because infertility sucks and I don\u2019t deserve it.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry at the world for being unfair and miserable.
\n<\/span>I\u2019m angry because I think I\u2019d be a good mom, but I can\u2019t seem to get there.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are a lot of things about infertility that REALLY tick me off. This is just the tip of the iceberg… Get me going too much and I\u2019ll raise my voice and shake my fist at the world!! INFERTILITY IS ANGER.<\/span><\/p>\n

But no matter how angry I get, I can\u2019t go around all the time being angry and shaking my fist at the world. So I\u2019ve found that part of my infertility is finding ways to deal with my anger. I\u2019ve never had much anger before, but infertility brings up a lot of it\u2026 so it\u2019s important for me to address my anger appropriately. I need to feel it and release it in a safe way and safe space.<\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility anger is wanting to yell or scream or tell someone off, but instead it is remaining as calm as I can be and biting my tongue in the moment, and then later ranting to a safe audience… Sometimes I talk to trusted loved ones, my support group, or therapist. Often I privately write about what is making me angry and let all of my feelings out. SOMETIMES I USE ALL CAPS OR CURSE ABOUT WHAT\u2019S MAKING ME ANGRY. (Fun fact:\u00a0people who swear tolerate pain better<\/a><\/span>.)<\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility anger is wanting to break things, but instead it is exercising and working energy out of my system in a positive way… To feel strong and controlled I might go to kick-boxing or weight-lifting. To find balance and quiet my mind I might go to yoga or take a walk.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes dealing with my anger means finding humor (usually dark humor) that hits on what\u2019s upsetting me and makes me laugh. Not many fertile people seem to understand my infertility humor, but I don\u2019t really care… sometimes laughing about infertility is the release and relief I need, whether or not anyone else gets it. <\/span><\/p>\n

The anger that comes with my infertility comes and goes. More often than not, my prevailing emotion is grief\u2026 but anger takes charge every now and then. And at times when I\u2019ve been angry, I\u2019ve had people tell me that I shouldn\u2019t feel angry about my infertility, that I shouldn\u2019t feel angry when someone upsets me, and so on\u2026 but that\u2019s just not right. Emotions aren\u2019t right or wrong, good or bad — my reaction to my emotions might be good or bad, but simply having the feelings isn\u2019t right or wrong. What I feel is what I feel, and that\u2019s okay. Pretending emotions aren\u2019t there won\u2019t make them go away\u2026 so even if it\u2019s unpleasant, I need to feel my anger and work through it in appropriate ways in order to move forward. Whether I like it or not, INFERTILITY IS ANGER.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Infertility is anger. I\u2019m angry that I\u2019m experiencing infertility and that all of this is happening to me. I\u2019m angry that I lost a pregnancy. I\u2019m angry that we don\u2019t have a baby yet. I\u2019m angry that my transferred embryos didn\u2019t implant and survive. I\u2019m angry that our IVF didn\u2019t result in more frozen embryos. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[9,8],"tags":[63,62],"class_list":["post-387","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-coping","category-reflections","tag-anger","tag-infertility-is"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7UmuL-anger","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":313,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/01\/28\/mixed-emotions\/","url_meta":{"origin":387,"position":0},"title":"Mixed Emotions","author":"Jenna","date":"January 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"As we prepare to begin the stimulation phase of IVF in a few weeks, I have been thinking hard about all of the things I\u2019m feeling\u2026 and it\u2019s certainly a mix. Many people assume that I\u2019m feeling very excited and optimistic, and while I certainly do feel those things right\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/mixed_emotions-243x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":365,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/22\/infertility-is\/","url_meta":{"origin":387,"position":1},"title":"Infertility is…","author":"Jenna","date":"March 22, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"It was hard to first admit to myself that we were experiencing infertility... By the time I did, we\u2019d already found out I wasn\u2019t ovulating on my own, and as a result I\u2019d been through three cycles of clomid. Even though I had already started fertility treatments, I didn\u2019t consider\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/infertility_is-1-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":418,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/05\/18\/grief\/","url_meta":{"origin":387,"position":2},"title":"Grief","author":"Jenna","date":"May 18, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"My infertility is profound grief. My infertility is constantly grieving for the family I desire to have with Matt, for the children I long to hold in my arms and share my life with. It is constantly grieving the loss of what has not happened yet, what could have been\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/infertility_is_grief-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":370,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/24\/surreal\/","url_meta":{"origin":387,"position":3},"title":"Surreal","author":"Jenna","date":"March 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"A friend recently gave me something that reads, \u201cIf by dream, you mean nightmare, then yes, I\u2019m living the dream.\u201d We had a good laugh over this and I put it where I can see it every day and have a chuckle. It\u2019s good for me to find humor where\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/infertility_is_surreal-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":429,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2018\/04\/14\/hopeful-healing\/","url_meta":{"origin":387,"position":4},"title":"Hopeful Healing","author":"Jenna","date":"April 14, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"It has been a long time since I posted here, and in that time so much has changed..! The remaining two frozen embryos that we transferred in May not only implanted, but one also split into identical twins, and somehow, amazingly all three have turned into my beautiful children! Everyday\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":375,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/28\/disappointment\/","url_meta":{"origin":387,"position":5},"title":"Disappointment","author":"Jenna","date":"March 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Infertility is constant disappointment\u2026 to the point where you\u2019d think I\u2019d have so much practice being disappointed that it wouldn\u2019t hurt anymore, but it does. 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