{"id":365,"date":"2017-03-22T10:30:38","date_gmt":"2017-03-22T16:30:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/?p=365"},"modified":"2025-12-11T22:28:03","modified_gmt":"2025-12-12T05:28:03","slug":"infertility-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/22\/infertility-is\/","title":{"rendered":"Infertility is…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"It was hard to first admit to myself that we were experiencing infertility… By the time I did, we\u2019d already found out I wasn\u2019t ovulating on my own, and as a result I\u2019d been through three cycles of clomid. Even though I had already started fertility treatments, I didn\u2019t consider myself \u201cinfertile\u201d because we hadn\u2019t been trying for a whole year<\/a> yet<\/span>. Sure, my first diagnosis and those first few treatments were hard, but I told myself that we were just delayed, that everything was going to be fine because they had found a correctable problem. <\/span><\/p>\n

But when those treatments failed and we hit our year mark of trying, it was time to admit that we were struggling with infertility. At that time we took a few months off treatments to give my body a rest and to give ourselves a break, and I started researching infertility — some things about treatments, of course, but mostly I researched coping with infertility. Because with infertility (at least for me!) there\u2019s a lot more to consider than just the physical problems preventing a healthy pregnancy\u2026 Admitting to myself that I was experiencing infertility meant that I was struggling with not only my body and its inability to conceive, but also all of the ways infertility impacted my well being. <\/span><\/p>\n

The technical description of infertility might only include the failure to conceive or carry a baby to term in a 12 month period, but \u201cinfertility\u201d means so much more than that to me. The one line definition I find in the dictionary doesn\u2019t cut it for me. Infertility has wreaked havoc all over my life, and as the months go by, my experience with infertility has packed more and more meaning into the word \u201cinfertility\u201d. It has become so compounded in my mind, it means so many things, that I\u2019ve decided to write a series of posts on what my infertility is, what it is like, and what it feels like for me. My posts will by no means be a complete list of what infertility is, nor will they be representative of all infertility experiences; rather, my posts will be about my own experience with infertility. I\u2019m just hoping to shed some light on what my infertility is to help my loved ones understand and to help others who are experiencing infertility feel understood. <\/span><\/p>\n

So if infertility is more than the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term, what is it? What is my infertility like?<\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility is living with constant disappointment<\/a> and uncertainty<\/a>, in a surreal<\/a> world where I constantly can\u2019t believe what\u2019s happening to me. It is having to face my own anger<\/a> and jealousy<\/a>, and feeling isolated<\/a>. Infertility is waiting<\/a>. It is grieving<\/a>. It is trying to remain hopeful<\/a> despite months and months of heartache and disappointment. Infertility is being brave enough to face my reality, one day at a time, and decide what to do with this unexpected and unwanted direction.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It was hard to first admit to myself that we were experiencing infertility… By the time I did, we\u2019d already found out I wasn\u2019t ovulating on my own, and as a result I\u2019d been through three cycles of clomid. Even though I had already started fertility treatments, I didn\u2019t consider myself \u201cinfertile\u201d because we hadn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[63,65,12,14,62,37,64,66,67,22],"class_list":["post-365","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflections","tag-anger","tag-disappointment","tag-grief","tag-hope","tag-infertility-is","tag-isolation","tag-jealousy","tag-surreal","tag-uncertainty","tag-waiting"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7UmuL-5T","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":418,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/05\/18\/grief\/","url_meta":{"origin":365,"position":0},"title":"Grief","author":"Jenna","date":"May 18, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"My infertility is profound grief. My infertility is constantly grieving for the family I desire to have with Matt, for the children I long to hold in my arms and share my life with. It is constantly grieving the loss of what has not happened yet, what could have been\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/infertility_is_grief-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":381,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/30\/uncertainty\/","url_meta":{"origin":365,"position":1},"title":"Uncertainty","author":"Jenna","date":"March 30, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I am one of those people who likes to plan things\u2026 and I\u2019m not just talking about planning a party or a vacation, although I enjoy organizing those things too; I\u2019m talking about planning my life -- I\u2019ve always had my next move figured out. In high school I always\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/infertility_is_uncertainty-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":308,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/01\/23\/coming-to-terms-with-ivf\/","url_meta":{"origin":365,"position":2},"title":"Coming to Terms with IVF","author":"Jenna","date":"January 23, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u2019ll admit it: I used to say that I\u2019d never do IVF if I couldn\u2019t get pregnant. I used to tell myself I'd accept that pregnancy wasn't in the cards for me and I'd stop pursuing it. But then again, I never imagined that I would actually have any difficulty\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/coming2terms-1-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":394,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/04\/13\/jealousy\/","url_meta":{"origin":365,"position":3},"title":"Jealousy","author":"Jenna","date":"April 13, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Infertility has made me feel like *everyone else has kids* and I don\u2019t. (This isn\u2019t even all in my head either... most people do have children) Families with children are all over the place: nearly every book or article I read mentions families with children; everywhere I go -- from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Coping"","block_context":{"text":"Coping","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/coping\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/infertility_is_jealousy-1-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":375,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/28\/disappointment\/","url_meta":{"origin":365,"position":4},"title":"Disappointment","author":"Jenna","date":"March 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Infertility is constant disappointment\u2026 to the point where you\u2019d think I\u2019d have so much practice being disappointed that it wouldn\u2019t hurt anymore, but it does. As it turns out, no amount of practice makes a failed treatment easier to accept; no amount of living with infertility makes the disappointment of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/infertility_is_disappointment-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":108,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/09\/30\/my-book-list\/","url_meta":{"origin":365,"position":5},"title":"My Book List","author":"Jenna","date":"September 30, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I've read a handful of books on infertility and pregnancy loss... For anyone who might be interested in my book list, here are the ones I've read so far: \u00a0 Trying To Conceive: Making Babies;\u00a0Sami S. David, MD and Jill Blakeway, LAc This was a good resource for me and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Resources"","block_context":{"text":"Resources","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/resources\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"4stars","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/4stars.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/365","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=365"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/365\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":427,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/365\/revisions\/427"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=365"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=365"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=365"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}