{"id":361,"date":"2017-03-16T22:41:30","date_gmt":"2017-03-17T04:41:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/?p=361"},"modified":"2025-12-11T22:28:03","modified_gmt":"2025-12-12T05:28:03","slug":"one-day-at-a-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/16\/one-day-at-a-time\/","title":{"rendered":"One day at a time"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wish I knew the secret to fixing a broken heart… But I don\u2019t. Instead, I\u2019m here with my heart shattered all over, trying to collect all of the pieces and put them back together; trying to make sense of this mess around me and the uncertainty of my future; trying to keep functioning, despite feeling broken, confused, and lost.<\/span><\/p>\n

The embryo transfer after our IVF cycle did not result in a pregnancy. The grief resulting from this disappointment has been overwhelming, and I have had some really, really hard days since my negative pregnancy test last week. I knew going into IVF that I wasn\u2019t guaranteed a pregnancy, but our odds were good and I was so hopeful\u2026 so ending up not pregnant has been a major blow.<\/span><\/p>\n

IVF is such a huge undertaking. It\u2019s an enormous and risky investment — emotionally and financially — and it\u2019s very physically demanding. And standing on the other side of IVF, not pregnant, is\u2026 well\u2026 devastating.<\/span><\/p>\n

In between episodes of intense grief, I feel numb. I go through the motions of my day, without real awareness or any enthusiasm I might normally have. I make jokes with my clients and try to smile… then I come home and stare at the wall. Friends offer to talk, and I decline. At this point in time, I simply have nothing to say and making small talk is unbearable. (Bear with me, loved ones; I won\u2019t feel like this forever.) Matt does his best to accommodate me, asking what I need and how he can help. I\u2019m so lost in my own grief, I rarely even think to ask how I might help him.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s almost easy to forget how hard bad days can be once they are over\u2026 I\u2019ve had a lot of ups and downs during infertility (and in life…), and now that I\u2019m having really, really hard days again I\u2019m amazed that I\u2019ve made it through days like this before. I look back at previous dark days and I wonder how the hell I got through them?<\/span><\/p>\n

The only answer I can come up with is: one day at a time.<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know the secret to getting through bad days. I don\u2019t know the secret to fixing a broken heart. I don\u2019t know the secret for surviving grief. But I know that all of these are experiences I must work through. There\u2019s no detour for getting around this stuff. There are things I can do to help myself along the way… but in the end, the only way out of a hard experience is through it — one day at a time.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wish I knew the secret to fixing a broken heart… But I don\u2019t. Instead, I\u2019m here with my heart shattered all over, trying to collect all of the pieces and put them back together; trying to make sense of this mess around me and the uncertainty of my future; trying to keep functioning, despite […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[9,8],"tags":[12,54],"class_list":["post-361","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-coping","category-reflections","tag-grief","tag-ivf"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7UmuL-5P","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":284,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/02\/23\/more-books\/","url_meta":{"origin":361,"position":0},"title":"More Books","author":"Jenna","date":"February 23, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are a few more books that I've read since my first book list post: Infertility: Silent Sorority: A (barren) Woman Gets Busy, Angry, Lost and Found;\u00a0Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos This memoir was fantastic. She writes about her infertility, treatment, considering adoption, and coming to terms with her childlessness. For anyone\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Resources"","block_context":{"text":"Resources","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/resources\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"5stars","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/5stars-150x33.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":242,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/11\/05\/there-are-no-quick-fixes-for-infertility\/","url_meta":{"origin":361,"position":1},"title":"There Are No Quick Fixes for Infertility","author":"Jenna","date":"November 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"So many times when someone we love is upset, we try to make them feel better. We don\u2019t like it when someone is hurting or sad, and we try to fix it. So we might suggest ways for them to look on the bright side, or give them tips on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Awareness"","block_context":{"text":"Awareness","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/awareness\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"no_quick_fixes","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/no_quick_fixes-242x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":308,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/01\/23\/coming-to-terms-with-ivf\/","url_meta":{"origin":361,"position":2},"title":"Coming to Terms with IVF","author":"Jenna","date":"January 23, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u2019ll admit it: I used to say that I\u2019d never do IVF if I couldn\u2019t get pregnant. I used to tell myself I'd accept that pregnancy wasn't in the cards for me and I'd stop pursuing it. But then again, I never imagined that I would actually have any difficulty\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/coming2terms-1-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":313,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/01\/28\/mixed-emotions\/","url_meta":{"origin":361,"position":3},"title":"Mixed Emotions","author":"Jenna","date":"January 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"As we prepare to begin the stimulation phase of IVF in a few weeks, I have been thinking hard about all of the things I\u2019m feeling\u2026 and it\u2019s certainly a mix. Many people assume that I\u2019m feeling very excited and optimistic, and while I certainly do feel those things right\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/mixed_emotions-243x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":375,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/03\/28\/disappointment\/","url_meta":{"origin":361,"position":4},"title":"Disappointment","author":"Jenna","date":"March 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Infertility is constant disappointment\u2026 to the point where you\u2019d think I\u2019d have so much practice being disappointed that it wouldn\u2019t hurt anymore, but it does. As it turns out, no amount of practice makes a failed treatment easier to accept; no amount of living with infertility makes the disappointment of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/infertility_is_disappointment-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":335,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/02\/06\/due-date\/","url_meta":{"origin":361,"position":5},"title":"Due Date","author":"Jenna","date":"February 6, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"After shrieking with joy and sharing the news with Matt, one of the first things I did after finding out I was pregnant last summer was calculate the due date for our baby: February 6, 2017. This date has been imprinted on my heart from that day. And after months\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/due_date-243x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/361","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=361"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/361\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":362,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/361\/revisions\/362"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=361"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=361"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=361"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}