{"id":282,"date":"2016-12-05T16:58:18","date_gmt":"2016-12-05T23:58:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/?p=282"},"modified":"2025-12-11T22:28:25","modified_gmt":"2025-12-12T05:28:25","slug":"creativity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/12\/05\/creativity\/","title":{"rendered":"Creativity"},"content":{"rendered":"

At the beginning of this year I decided that I would work on my hand lettering skills\u2026 I intended to pick a theme for each month, then letter and illustrate quotes in that theme, and post them on my other blog. For five months I stayed the course and I lettered some really nice quotes — quotes about new beginnings, love and friendship, life, home, and gardens. I drew pictures of flowers, bikes, and houses, and found new ways to design letters. <\/span><\/p>\n

After my ectopic pregnancy, however, my lettering pretty much stopped. I have managed to letter a few here and there, but overall I\u2019ve done very little practice since the beginning of June. I still have a large collection of quotes on a spreadsheet and I occasionally sit down with my materials and attempt to design something\u2026 but I don\u2019t feel inspired like I used to. The ideas don\u2019t come to me like they used to. I\u2019ve abandoned a variety of attempts and not had the energy to start others. <\/span><\/p>\n

I really wanted to letter something for Thanksgiving. Something on gratitude. I stared for days at gratitude quotes. Only one whispered any kind of an idea to me, and when I put pen to paper I failed to capture it. I closed my notebook and put my pens away. They\u2019ll keep until I\u2019m ready to letter again. <\/span><\/p>\n

Another creative endeavor that\u2019s currently on hold for me is scrapbooking\u2026 I usually love to scrapbook. But since my pregnancy it\u2019s been really hard for me to even consider working on my scrapbooks. At this time I have so many complicated feelings about scrapbooking that I\u2019m working on a blog post about it. Stay tuned.<\/span><\/p>\n

Additionally, I\u2019m no longer interested in playing my piano. I used to practice nearly every day, and now\u2026 I can\u2019t even remember the last time I touched the keys. I actually had the piano tuned two weeks ago for the first time in over a year in hopes that I might get inspired soon and start playing again, but so far I haven\u2019t played a single note.<\/span><\/p>\n

Infertility, loss, and their close companion depression have seemingly killed my creativity. \u00a0And I hate it. I\u2019ve tried so hard to not let infertility ruin everything, but it is sneaky and has managed to impact all kinds of things in my life — including limiting my ability to be creative in the ways I\u2019m used to. I\u2019m no longer inspired to create music or art or scrapbooks. I used to love these things and now the thought of doing them brings me no joy.<\/span><\/p>\n

So what does a depressed, infertile, hurting girl do when her normal creative outlets aren\u2019t inspiring, interesting, or enjoyable?<\/span><\/p>\n

Well. I certainly don\u2019t have all the answers, but here\u2019s what I\u2019ve come up with so far for myself:<\/span><\/p>\n

Let it be<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t force it. I see no point in making myself work on a creative project if I\u2019m not interested or inspired. Sometimes when I wish I were inspired, I go sit with my materials and see what happens. If inspiration strikes, I run with it (see my second to last point) and if not, I get up and do something else. I\u2019m not happy that I haven\u2019t scrapbooked more than two pages over the last six months, for example, but I\u2019m not going to beat myself up about my lack of progress. It is what it is. I let it be.<\/span><\/p>\n

Find other outlets for creativity.<\/b><\/p>\n

At times it has been useful for me to find different ways to explore creativity. I don\u2019t always have to be doing the same activities as I would normally do\u2026 infertility and loss are extreme experiences, so I think it\u2019s ok if I change up other things in my life too. When I need a creative outlet and my \u201cgo-to\u201d activities aren\u2019t working, I look to what else I have enjoyed in the past or don\u2019t do very often, or I try new activities.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I color. I have a variety of coloring books — all gifts from loved ones — and sometimes coloring is just the thing I need for a calming, creative activity. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I crochet. This requires thinking of something to make, but when I\u2019m inspired for a project, I\u2019ve found that crocheting can be very soothing and enjoyable. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I dabble in painting. I have taken a few painting classes with friends since June… you know — the kind where you sip on your wine and the instructor tells you which color to use next and where? Turns out those are pretty fun! In addition to canvas painting, I also painted some pottery this summer, and I love the mug I designed.<\/span><\/p>\n

And sometimes I do something completely different: earlier this year I was inspired to create new playlists. I made playlist after playlist with different themes. My favorite one is a list that I named \u201cthis too shall pass\u201d. It\u2019s full of songs about getting through hard times and being ok. We also have a fun \u201cwake up music\u201d list with songs about the morning and waking up. There\u2019s one called \u201cpretty sweet\u201d with songs about sugar, sweetness, and honey. We have lists called \u201cdreamy\u201d and \u201csky songs\u201d and many more… Sorting through our music and creating new playlists was such a great project for me, and it\u2019s been useful too — the lists have received lots of playtime on our stereo and iPods.<\/span><\/p>\n

Find other activities to do.<\/b><\/p>\n

Other times, I do something else entirely\u2026 Just because I\u2019m normally pretty creative doesn\u2019t mean I need to be creative all the time. Sometimes I need to do something else. Read. Take a walk. Watch a movie. Play a game. Sometimes my mind just needs a break or a change of scene or focus.<\/span><\/p>\n

Run with it when inspiration strikes.<\/b><\/p>\n

When inspiration does strike, I go with it. I try to take advantage of any and all inspiration when it presents itself. I\u2019ve always kind of been like that, so I\u2019ve had a lot of practice running with inspiration. I do feel like inspiration strikes less and less these days, but when it does hit, I switch gears as soon as I can and get working.<\/span><\/p>\n

Give myself space.<\/b><\/p>\n

When I look back over my time with infertility I sometimes feel guilty for having accomplished what feels like so little. My former self would have been working on this project and that project, and being useful and productive. But<\/span> sitting with the grief of infertility and loss<\/a> is hard, hard work. It\u2019s demanding and exhausting. Sometimes I feel so depleted from dealing with everything in my reality that there\u2019s just no room for anything else, and I have give myself time and space to heal. And by giving myself that space, I also think that I\u2019m keeping myself open for inspiration to present itself, and that I\u2019m open to my creativity even if it\u2019s different from what I\u2019m used to. I hope that in time, once I\u2019ve had space to heal, some of my former creative endeavors will be enjoyable and meaningful again. And until then, we\u2019ll see what else comes up.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At the beginning of this year I decided that I would work on my hand lettering skills\u2026 I intended to pick a theme for each month, then letter and illustrate quotes in that theme, and post them on my other blog. For five months I stayed the course and I lettered some really nice quotes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[9,8],"tags":[50],"class_list":["post-282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-coping","category-reflections","tag-creativity"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7UmuL-4y","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":111,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/10\/04\/reminders-of-hope\/","url_meta":{"origin":282,"position":0},"title":"Reminders of Hope","author":"Jenna","date":"October 4, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"According to Emily Dickenson, Hope is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all - (Click here for the full poem.) 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When possible\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":168,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/10\/11\/writing\/","url_meta":{"origin":282,"position":4},"title":"Writing","author":"Jenna","date":"October 11, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"As I\u2019ve said before, I like to write. And my enjoyment of writing has enriched my life in multiple ways. 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