{"id":17,"date":"2016-09-16T21:49:50","date_gmt":"2016-09-17T03:49:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/?p=17"},"modified":"2025-12-11T22:28:50","modified_gmt":"2025-12-12T05:28:50","slug":"3000-sqft-and-a-table-for-two","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/09\/16\/3000-sqft-and-a-table-for-two\/","title":{"rendered":"3,000 sqft and a table for two"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"3000In 2014, a few months before we started trying to conceive, Matt and I decided to buy a bigger house for our soon-to-be growing family. We were planning to start trying in the late spring and assumed that I\u2019d be pregnant in no time. I was young and healthy; Matt and I were stable and happy. We decided that it would be best to get moved and settled before I was pregnant. We found a house sooner than we expected and got our old house ready to sell. We were thrilled and ready to start this new chapter in our lives. We closed on our new house in early March, and over the next couple of months we worked on the house, painted nearly every ceiling and wall, replaced light fixtures, cleaned every surface, and moved in. We started feeling at home in our new place.<\/span><\/p>\n

The new house has four bedrooms. It has an open floor plan. It has an unfinished basement — ready and waiting for us to expand into and enjoy. The house is perfectly situated near the end of a quiet cul-de-sac and has a lovely little backyard. It\u2019s within walking distance of our neighborhood\u2019s elementary school and middle school. We knew for sure that soon the house would be filled with our children. We were so excited. We left one of the upstairs bedrooms completely empty, knowing it would be filled soon with baby furniture. We didn\u2019t paint that room either — I wanted to match the paint to the baby\u2019s bedding that we would be picking out very soon. We called it the baby room. When I was at my parents\u2019 for Thanksgiving that year I loaded up and brought back my childhood rocking chair, stuffed animals, and a box of Winnie the Pooh decor. I already knew how I wanted to decorate the baby room.<\/span><\/p>\n

The baby room sat empty for over a year. At first it wasn\u2019t a big deal. I knew some couples took longer to conceive than others. Most of my friends had gotten pregnant after three months\u2026 one took six months, another eight months. After nine months and an annual exam at the women\u2019s clinic where my nurse practitioner frowned upon my crazy and unpredictable cycles, I started to feel like we were in trouble. We scheduled an appointment to see a doctor at the clinic that my nurse practitioner recommended.<\/span><\/p>\n

After three unsuccessful rounds of clomid with Dr. 1, I informed Matt that we were going to paint the baby room and turn it into a second guest room. I was tired of the empty room. It was mocking me and filling me with sadness. And it made me mad. We were ready for our child. We had a room waiting and a house much too big for just the two of us! Where was our baby?<\/span><\/p>\n

We painted the room green because we had a gallon of green paint that we had decided wasn\u2019t right for the kitchen cabinets but would be fine in a bedroom. We had already painted the ceiling and changed out the light fixture. We painted the walls, cleaned the woodwork, replaced the outlets and light switches (mind you, we\u2019d already purchased child proof outlets for the entire house, as well as outlets with built in nightlights) and moved in the furniture. We had a futon in the office that we could lay flat and dress as a bed. We also had a few lamps and a chest in the basement we weren\u2019t using anywhere else. We put the room together, and I bought new bedding. Now we call it the green guest room. We already have the purple guest room. <\/span><\/p>\n

When I was pregnant, before we knew it was ectopic, we went into the green guest room and I shared with Matt all of my plans for the placement of the furniture and the awesome tree bookcase I\u2019d like my dad to help build for our child\u2019s books. My dreams were finally coming true; we were going to have a baby and our house was going to have a child in it! The dream was short lived. The baby room turned back into the green guest room the day Dr. 2 told us that the baby was definitely in the fallopian tube.<\/span><\/p>\n

Putting the guest room together was a good thing and definitely something we needed to do\u2026 but I\u2019d be lying if I said that cured it of its reminder of our child\u2019s absence. It hasn\u2019t. Our children are still missing from our house. That room, the backyard, the basement, and in general the whole house are reminders of what we had dreamed of and hoped for when we bought this house, and what it\u2019s still missing. We bought our first house intending it to be our starter home for just the two of us. It was wonderful and it served us well. We bought this house intending to grow our family in it. Two and a half years later and we have yet to see that dream realized. I haven\u2019t given up hope, but that doesn\u2019t mean the house isn\u2019t still a little painful.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I wonder if we should have waited to buy a house until I was pregnant? If I had known then what I know now what would we do? But that question isn\u2019t quite fair. If I had known then what I know now I\u2019d simply adjust my expectations so that I wouldn\u2019t be so full of despair. We didn\u2019t know and we decided to buy a bigger home. So I\u2019ve decided to be grateful for what this house has brought us, even though it also reminds me of what we don\u2019t have.<\/span><\/p>\n

I am thankful that we had the opportunity to purchase this house when we did. Since we bought this house the housing market here has gone totally nuts. If sold today it\u00a0wouldn\u2019t even be in our price range anymore… which would be sad because our home is wonderful. Even if we never fill it with children, we love the house, the location, our neighbors, the walking paths, and the views of the mountains just outside the neighborhood. <\/span><\/p>\n

This house has also provided many opportunities for home improvement and decorating projects, and if there\u2019s one thing that\u2019s good for distracting us from our infertility sorrows it\u2019s a good project. Our last house was practically perfect (in every way!) when we sold it, so if we had stayed there, we wouldn\u2019t have had any projects left on the home front to keep us busy. I\u2019m grateful for the time we\u2019ve spent together working on our house and the improvements we\u2019ve made.<\/span><\/p>\n

So here we are… In our big house near the elementary school, with four bedrooms, an unfinished basement, a fenced in backyard, and no children. Our dining table is set for two and there are no high chairs in sight. But I can still see my child in this house. I\u2019m still hoping to turn that guest room into a baby room… Still hoping to one day finish the basement and watch my kids have slumber parties in the basement family room and camp outs in the back yard. The house is a reminder of the hopes and dreams we had two and a half years ago and it encourages me to keep going. We\u2019re ready.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In 2014, a few months before we started trying to conceive, Matt and I decided to buy a bigger house for our soon-to-be growing family. We were planning to start trying in the late spring and assumed that I\u2019d be pregnant in no time. I was young and healthy; Matt and I were stable and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[13,14],"class_list":["post-17","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflections","tag-home","tag-hope"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7UmuL-h","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":335,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2017\/02\/06\/due-date\/","url_meta":{"origin":17,"position":0},"title":"Due Date","author":"Jenna","date":"February 6, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"After shrieking with joy and sharing the news with Matt, one of the first things I did after finding out I was pregnant last summer was calculate the due date for our baby: February 6, 2017. 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It\u2019s good for me to find humor where\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/infertility_is_surreal-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":86,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/09\/22\/support-group\/","url_meta":{"origin":17,"position":2},"title":"Support Group","author":"Jenna","date":"September 22, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"About a year ago a friend suggested I find an infertility support group. She thought it might be helpful\u2026 I hadn\u2019t thought of a support group until then, and I was glad she had suggested it. That said, at that time I wasn\u2019t ready for one, but I did keep\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Coping"","block_context":{"text":"Coping","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/coping\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"surround_yourself","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/2016_09_02_SurroundYourself-300x298.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":92,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/09\/24\/the-two-week-wait\/","url_meta":{"origin":17,"position":3},"title":"The Two Week Wait","author":"Jenna","date":"September 24, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"By this point in our infertility journey I should be able to consider Matt and myself experts in practicing patience. After all, we have waited and waited and waited. We have waited in doctor\u2019s offices and our local hospital. We have waited in labs and pharmacies. We have waited for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"two_week_wait","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/two_week_wait-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":289,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/12\/13\/scrapbooking\/","url_meta":{"origin":17,"position":4},"title":"Scrapbooking","author":"Jenna","date":"December 13, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I started scrapbooking when I was in high school. My mom has scrapbooked for years, and ever since I started my own albums, it\u2019s something we love to do together. We like to go shopping and find fun stickers and paper that will coordinate with photos and mementos. When possible\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":160,"url":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/2016\/10\/03\/my-invisible-scarlet-letter-i\/","url_meta":{"origin":17,"position":5},"title":"My Invisible Scarlet Letter “I”","author":"Jenna","date":"October 3, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Infertility has turned me into a social outcast, except that no one really knows it but me. My scarlet letter \u201cI\u201d marking me as an infertile is invisible, etched on my heart. It affects me everyday\u2026 but since it\u2019s invisible, no one else is really aware of what is happening.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reflections"","block_context":{"text":"Reflections","link":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/category\/reflections\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"isolation","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/isolation-1-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":63,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17\/revisions\/63"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.iamhalfhope.com\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}